Thailand – Patong: When Bogans Invade

In Food, Thailand

If you are an Australian who gets flustered by Aussies behaving badly overseas and doesn’t have a sense of humour, stay clear of Patong.

Allow me to take you there: massive nightclubs with hundreds of bars spewing dance floor tunes out into the busy streets, girls dancing on poles, awful tattoos adorning leathery skin, sun burn so bad you can feel the heat as it wanders by, ping-pong shows, ladyboys, bars advertising ‘Aussie Meat Pies’, local girls selling ‘Fuck Collingwood’ bracelets, Muai Thai fights every night, gun ranges, Aussie bar, Kangaroo bar, Sheila bar, V8 themed bars, a beach barely visible through the throng of tanning tourists, wee-warm water, men in baseball caps charging up and down the beach on jet-skis, ‘working-girls’ doing their makeup in the street as they prepare for another night of work. Patong is a town unashamedly aimed at the cashed-up Aussie bogan tourist, who are in no short supply. And we loved it.

Patong is so far over the top, you cant help but go past mildy offended to finding most things hilarious.

The definitive cashed-up Aussie began at play
The definitive cashed-up Aussie bogan at play

We stayed in the APK Resort and Spa – a cheap hotel for Patong ($30 a night) which met Asha’s requirement of having an infinity pool on the roof. A new hotel is being built next door, and we couldn’t stop laughing when we were shown to our room and were greeted by the scene below.

Patong is expensive for Thailand – you cant really get a room for under 1000 baht ($32), and food and drink caters to cashed up short-term tourists. Pass up the bland restaurants that all serve the same tourist food and hit the street vendors for cheap food. At night there are a couple of places around town where you can find street food markets. Dinner of spring rolls, soup, roast pork, salad, rice and soft drink cost us $3.50.

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